Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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