can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
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I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
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Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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