Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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