Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize