we're chasing vodka with high fives
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
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she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
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I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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