If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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