I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
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It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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