i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
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You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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