the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
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