so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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