so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
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Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
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Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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