How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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