I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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