i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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