Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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