You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
try to milk me bitch
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