I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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