I bet he comes in French.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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