Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize