Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.