Texts From Last Night

SammyiAmmy's Favorites Texts:

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.

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  (847): Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating. http://tfl.nu/al19
  Replies (10) Good night (1849) Bad night (300) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.

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  (910): I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand. http://tfl.nu/jlfn
  Replies (23) Good night (585) Bad night (2759) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.

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  (262): I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole. http://tfl.nu/sdc1
  Replies (7) Good night (1464) Bad night (212) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.

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  (607): The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude. http://tfl.nu/ttzr
  Replies (7) Good night (1121) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.

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  (561): I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree. http://tfl.nu/yxk6
  Replies (11) Good night (1153) Bad night (251) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.

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  (570): I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club. http://tfl.nu/5u2s
  Replies (13) Good night (747) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.

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  (724): Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies. http://tfl.nu/sr2h
  Replies (17) Good night (2346) Bad night (258) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her

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  (206): Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her http://tfl.nu/6f57
  Replies (4) Good night (1969) Bad night (241) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.

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  (518): HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR. http://tfl.nu/dsxu
  Replies (12) Good night (1595) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross

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  (616): She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross http://tfl.nu/ueo2
  Replies (18) Good night (639) Bad night (2437) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.

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  (203): Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend. http://tfl.nu/ouub
  Replies (14) Good night (2054) Bad night (571)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels

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  (303): im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels http://tfl.nu/5yvq
  Replies (4) Good night (1538) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.

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  (248): Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students. http://tfl.nu/08kn
  Replies (48) Good night (593) Bad night (4148)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.

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  (847): I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it. http://tfl.nu/gdcc
  Replies (20) Good night (3839) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.

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  (302): She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before. http://tfl.nu/kra3
  Replies (11) Good night (3238) Bad night (317)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?

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  (201): Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/of56
  Replies (29) Good night (6380) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.

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  (314): Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them. http://tfl.nu/ibul
  Replies (5) Good night (3051) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?

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  (848): You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself? http://tfl.nu/hc7l
  Replies (5) Good night (1310) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.

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  (352): I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle. http://tfl.nu/6oed
  Replies (15) Good night (2817) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.

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  (317): hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room. http://tfl.nu/qubv
  Replies (14) Good night (485) Bad night (1903) Order T-Shirt