Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
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I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
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I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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