Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize