So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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