I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
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I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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