why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
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i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
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I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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