Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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