im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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