Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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