i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
