My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize