you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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