at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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