ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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