When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I intend to get homeless drunk
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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