We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
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i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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