Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she told me i tasted like america
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Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
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The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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