did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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