from now on my penis is your penis
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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