do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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