I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
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I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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