he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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