if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
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Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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