there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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