Ambien. No doubt about it.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize