dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize