I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
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Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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