Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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