I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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