PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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